Buy my new kids' book Always Lots of Heinies at the Zoo from Powells.com!

Words by me, illustrations by Dan Santat ... heinies by Mother Nature!

What is it about zoo residents? Is it because they're cooped up all day with nothing better to do? Is it because they lack the appropriate clothing for their unusual size and shape? Is there no laundry service? Whatever the reason, whenever you go to the zoo, what can you be sure to see? Heinies, and plenty of 'em. From demure to bodacious, Ayun Halliday and Dan Santat are finally willing to show us the true appeal of the zooóThere are always heinies, and lots of 'em.

Order a copy of Always Lots of Heinies at the Zoo from Powells.com.

Buy my book Dirty Sugar Cookies: Culinary Observations, Questionable Taste from Powells.com!

Everybody eats, right? And most of those people know how to read, or at least aspire toward literacy. Can you imagine how rich I'd be if each of them bought a dozen Dirty Sugar Cookies? Oh baby, I'd be like, flourless or something.

"Finally, food stories for the rest of us! For those of us who fondly remember our most demented culinary experiences — the crazy Betty Crocker concoctions we made as kids; the creepy diners we loved; that Moosewood Cookbook phase we went through in college — Ayun Halliday is our dirty sugar mama!"
— Wendy McClure, author of I'm Not the New Me and The Amazing Mackerel Pudding Plan

Order a copy of Dirty Sugar Cookies: Culinary Observations, Questionable Taste from Powells.com.

T-Shirts! Sweatshirts! Mugs and Bibs!

Feel free to paw through the merchandise at my three — seriously, THREE! — Cafe Press stores. (And I must tell you that what you see below, sir or madam, is but a small sampling of the items and styles available. Click the links to be dazzled by it all!)

East Village Inky Cafe Press Store

No Touch Monkey! Cafe Press Store

Dare To Be Heinie! Cafe Press Store

Buy my book Job Hopper: The Checkered Career of a Down-Market Dilettante from Powells.com!

Don't have kids? Haven't traveled beyond the borders of the town in which you were born? Wouldn't know a zine if it bit you in the ayuss? Brothers and sisters, would you believe me if I told you there's still plenty of common ground between us? Relive the crappiest jobs you've ever worked by reading about mine. Published by Seal Press in March 2005.

Hop by the Job Hopper home page for an excerpt and other perks.

Order a copy of Jobhopper: The Checkered Career of a Down-Market Dilettante from Powells.com.

Buy my book No Touch Monkey! And Other Travel Lessons Learned Too Late from Powells.com!

Order a copy from Powells.com by clicking the link I just gave you, or the book cover at right.

Be sure to visit the No Touch Monkey! home page for full info and a hot excerpt!

"I laughed hard on nearly every page of this shockingly intimate travel memoir and deeply funny book."
— Stephen Colbert
The Daily Show with John Stewart

Buy The Big Rumpus from Powells.com!

Check out my first book, The Big Rumpus! Just click this link, or click on the book cover over to your right, and Powell's will scratch your Rumpus itch pronto.

Kirkus Reviews called The Big Rumpus:

A breezy memoir of motherhood that for all its hip attitude also affectingly recalls traditional fears, joys, and a sense of the miraculous...Motherhood recalled with engaging brio and considerable wisdom.

Still making up your mind? Need to know a little bit more about the book first? Visit The Big Rumpus page for information overload. Then come back here and buy that sucker.

Subscribe to The East Village Inky!

The East Village Inky is my quarterly zine, the chronicles of the Hoosier-born mother of a 3-thumbed four-year-old and a beguiling baby boy (not to mention a certain showtune-penning father) and their adventures in New York City. Thrice nominated for an Utne Reader Alternative Press award. Want to know more about it? Visit the East Village Inky page.

Ready to subscribe? Just click this link or click on the Inky cover over to your right!

Ohh! Why put yourself through the drudgery of holiday shopping when it is so easy to give everyone on your list a holiday gift subscription? It includes a card and personalized message.

But wait--want to order a sample first? Don't believe in credit cards? Can't get a credit card? That's okay, we can't get one either. We accept checks and cash too -- just ask.

Buy Ayun-thologies from Powells.com!
Get it? Ayun-thologies? (Like, collections with stuff by me in 'em?)

The following anthologies include contributions by yours truly. Click on the titles to order them and/or read more about 'em!

• Because I Love Her
  Edited by Andrea N. Richesin

  Are you there, God? It's me, Inky (actually, it's me, Ayun... showing a little pre-need love to Vinnie, The Tampon King.)

• My Baby Rides the Short Bus: The Unabashedly Human Experience of Raising Kids with Disabilities
  Edited by Yantra Bertelli, Jennifer Silverman and Sarah Talbot

  If you've ever had the pleasure of wangling with the insurance company...or getting your health insurance cancelled because you forgot to pay the bill...

• Cassette from My Ex: Stories and Soundtracks of Lost Loves
  Edited by Jason Bitner

  Perfect for all your downloadable bawling needs. To absent friends...

• The May Queen: Women on Life, Love, Work, and Pulling It All Together in Your 30s
  Edited by Nicki Richesin

  Keep it under your hat that I'm pushing 41. They think I'm 29.

• The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World
  Edited by Therese J. Borchard

  Given that you're already loitering in cyberspace, you'd probably be interested in my dishy essay regarding the demise of a hopping online community.

• Roar Softly and Carry a Great Lipstick: 25 Women Writers on Life, Sex, and Survival
  Edited by Autumn Stephens

  Just to make extra double sure I'll never get a lucrative freelance assignment from a high-circulation women's magazine, I had to get all uppity in public with "Smells Like Perfume Inserts."

• Secrets and Confidences: The Complicated Truth about Women's Friendships
  Edited by Karen Eng

  I wrote about Jessye's mom, Viola Sheely in the East Village Inky #3, and again here, in "Another Mother"

• Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts
  Edited by Bee Lavender and Maia Rossini

  There's a lot of promise in that subtitle, dontcha think? It ain't a guidebook persay, but there's plenty of inspiration in these pages (as well as the introduction of The Big Rumpus for your reprint pleasure)

• Whose Panties Are These?: More Misadventures from Funny Women on the Road
  Edited by Jennifer L Leo

  More hilarious tales of horrible travel experiences collected by the editor of Sand In My Bra. Re-read all about my dislocated knee, excerpted from No Touch Monkey!

• France, a Love Story: Women Write about the French Experience
  Edited by Camille Cusumano

  Lauren Bacall, you're running out of time to file that lawsuit! Here's another chance with a reprint of the "Paris Lip" chapter from No Touch Monkey!

• Toddler: Real-Life Stories of Those Fickle, Irrational, Urgent, Tiny People We Love

  Considering the Family Bed? Perhaps best not to read "Bedtime for Milo."

• Women Who Eat: A New Generation On The Glory Of Food

  Everybody else wrote about something delicious. I thought I was supposed to write about working in a restaurant. This piece about Dave's Italian Kitchen is what got my wheels turning for Job Hopper (it's in there too.)

• Breeder: Real-Life Stories from the New Generation of Mothers

  "NeoNatalSweetPotato": If you're not sick of it after reading The Big Rumpus, you can read it in its condensed version.

• The Unsavvy Traveler: Women's Comic Tales of Catastrophe

  "(Carry Me) Out of Africa": I swear this cautionary tale of adventure travel gone awry in Tanzania, Rwanda and Kenya is funnier than the title the editors slapped on it (not that I could come up with anything better).

• A Woman Alone: Travel Tales from Around the Globe

  "Dog Master" recounts another of my lucky near misses, this time involving a pack of snarling, homeless mongrels who surrounded me one moonlit night in Bali.

My husband, some hotshot. Now you can get his Tony-winning Broadway musical in book form. Even if you've already seen the show and worn out the CD, you'll want the book for the photos and the introduction alone.

Use this link to buy Urinetown, the Musical (the book) from Powells.com.

• 200 More Neo-Futurist Plays from Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind
  by The Neo-Futurists ($16.00)

  The third book collection of scripts from Too Much Light, heavy on the dialogue and action, including eight scripts by me, eight by Greg Kotis, eight by Webmaster Dave, and two by Little MoMo! Revel in such early Halliday classics as "The Tampon Play" and "Mechanical Monkey Singers Present Last Chance All Camp Singalong"! (Released February, 2005.)

• NEO-SOLO: 131 Neo-Futurist Solo Plays from Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind
  by The Neo-Futurists ($14.00)

  A collection of monologues and solo pieces from Too Much Light, including half a dozen by me, plus six each by Greg Kotis and Webmaster Dave. (Released September, 2002.)

Both of the above books can be ordered by mail from Hope and Nonthings Publishing. Send a check or money order made out to Hope and Nonthings, for the cover price(s) of the book(s) plus $1.50 per book shipping and handling for US domestic orders, $2.50 per book for foreign orders, to the following address:

Hope and Nonthings
P.O. Box 148010
Chicago, IL 60614-8010

What the Sea Means: Poems, Stories & Monologues 1987-2002
by Dave Awl

Webmaster Dave's first book, which Milo helped proofread over my shoulder. We must have liked it, because I wrote Dave a nice blurb for the back cover. Here's what I said:

"Dave Awl writes from the perspective of an outsider looking out, a true believer in the secret lives of corpuscles and cantaloupe. The poems in What the Sea Means ...will ensure that your mind remains supple and fluent in the possibilities of boulders, celery and unoccupied shower stalls."
— Ayun Halliday, East Village Inky

Buy other stuff at Powells.com! Make this melonfarming site pay for itself!

Just search for any book your little heart desires, from Harry Potter to Russell Hoban, by using the handy little box below! It's that easy!